The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work PDF Summary


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Originally published at: https://blog.12min.com/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work-pdf/

A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert


In this post, we are offering you “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”.

So, what are you waiting for?

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About John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

John M. Gottman holds several prestigious academic awards for his research and work. He is a co-founder and co-director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute and a psychology professor at the University of Washington.

Nan Silver is a bestselling author, blogger, and a journalist.

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work PDF Summary"

If you are like most people, then you dream of a perfect relationship.

Yet, no matter how much we wish for a stress-free connection with another person, it seems impossible to avoid conflicts.

Many people get disappointed when they face different relationship problems.

However, tension and issues are a regular occurrence in any marriage or relationship. The fact that they are common should make you feel more at peace with your relationship.

In other words, there are many ways to improve your communication with your partner.

To do that, you have to understand seven fundamental principles of functioning couples.

First, functioning couples possess a detailed love map.

What is a love map?

All the information you have about your partner is stored in your mind as a love map.

The more you develop this map, the stronger your love will be. Love maps contain the partners’ life philosophies, dreams, and aspirations.

The second principle is finding the admiration system that your relationship is based upon.

If this system still exists, then you can awake the feeling of fondness, as well as the sense of appreciation and respect both partners share towards each other.

The third principle argues that during seemingly trivial talks couples connect with one another.

Next is the principle that puts a value on during each other’s opinions and taking each other’s feelings into account whenever a decision should be made periodic

We value fairness in every aspect of our life, so are our marriage and relationships are not very different.

Furthermore, there are two kinds of conflict in marriage: perpetual problems and solvable ones. A

Solvable issues are minor but can result in excessive beta intention.

Why?

Because although the problem is solvable, it does not mean that all couples solve it.

Most of the problems in marriages are perpetual. This means that they keep happening over and over again.

Then, there is to six principle, which states that when you feel stuck with a problem, you have to find a way to cope with it.

Lastly, you have to understand that you do not have to agree with everything with your partner. The same is true about your opinion on what is meaningful about your lives together.

Key Lessons from “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”

1. The Change in Love Maps 2. The Importance of Seemingly Trivial Conversations 3. Assessing Your Fondness and Admiration System

The Change in Love Maps

Love maps can change. Changes in love maps usually happen when women experience birth.

Having a child radically alters a woman’s purpose and thus transform her love map.

The Importance of Seemingly Trivial Conversations

One of the most critical moments that couples share with each other are the daily conversations about everyday things.

So, couples can use this knowledge to improve their life together by stopping to take their everyday interactions for granted.

Assessing Your Fondness and Admiration System

To evaluate your admiration system, answer true or false to the following statements:
  • When we are apart, I think of my partner positively.
  • I can quickly list three things I admire in my partner.
  • My partner is happy to see me.
If the answers are true, congratulations, you have a pretty solid fondness system in place!

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"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Quotes"

[bctt tweet="But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage." username="get12min"]

[bctt tweet=“Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.” username=“get12min”]

[bctt tweet=“Women find a man’s willingness to do housework extremely erotic.” username=“get12min”]

[bctt tweet=“Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together.” username=“get12min”]

[bctt tweet=“Most marital arguments cannot be resolved.” username=“get12min”]