Originally published at: https://blog.12min.com/stop-self-sabotage-summary/
Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve
The life we live is a direct reflection of our thinking patterns. During our lifetime we have created deserve levels based on our feelings of self-worth.
Deserve levels influence every aspect of your life. From business to relationship grounds, you are the one who poses the limits.
Who Should Read "Stop Self-Sabotage"? And Why?The ways we were raised and our surroundings are bound to influence us. We all have created “deserve levels” in our minds, and imposed certain limits on our dreams. Sometimes, even if we have something, we may miss it just because we don’t feel we deserve it.
And since it is a topic that touches nearly everyone’s life, “Stop Self-Sabotage” is recommended for all of you. At least all of you who are ready to take a step back, examine your life, and turn to the direction of unlimited success.
About Pat PearsonPat Pearson is a clinical psychotherapist with more than two decades of experience. She the author of You Deserve the Best; Reclaiming the Fire in Your Heart and Party with a Purpose. She is a motivational speaker and the owner of a company that offers seminars, audios, and books to clients and corporations worldwide.
"Stop Self-Sabotage Summary"Have you ever heard that people tend to get scared of success? How is that possible, you ask, who would not want to be successful? But it is true. Our past experiences and the environment we live in play a big part in how the rest of our lives play out. That is – unless we do something about it.
Just like any other belief, the “deserve levels” we have created in our minds can be changed. But to change something, you have first to realize and accept it exists. Consequently, raising the “deserve levels” can only come after accepting the current state you are in. After that comes the wish to change. And only then can you start working on yourself.
Every person on this planet has self-sabotaged themselves at least once in their lifetime. People get underperform professionally, emotionally, financially. No one gets into this vicious circle deliberately, but still, we all somehow get there.
The important thing is not ever letting yourself make a mistake. Free yourself. Make a mistake. But then realize you are not living to your full potential. And when you do, take the proper steps to break free from behaviors that keep you away from everything that you deserve.
Four “deserving levels” imprison your mind and stand in your way to success in each corner of your life.
To start with, we all have certain beliefs that mold the way we look at the world. We develop them during childhood based on our experiences and from the messages we receive from our environment. They consist of everything we have read, watched and the ways the world has treated us. Depending on their nature, beliefs can benefit you or hold you back.
Next, comes self-esteem. Or, in other words, unconditionally acknowledging you worth, independently of your position in life and the society. Self-esteem is loving you for who you are. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is conditional.
It is obtained based on your performance and the admiration you gain from the environment. Self-esteem and confidence are not interchangeable, and you can have one without the other.
Additionally, the concept of getting permission from your past for your future success also has its say in what you think you deserve. The “permission system” that was imposed on you by your family members during childhood continues to dictate your behavior even in the latter years of your life.
It is a way of thinking you have to get over in order to surpass your limits.
And lastly, comes fear. Quite self-explanatory, fear of repeated bad experiences or dreading poor outcomes, play a significant role in creating limits for yourself. People hide in their comfort zones. Comfort zones are familiar and somewhat safe. But glorious life cannot be reached from there. Freedom lies on the other side of fear.
Key Lessons from “Stop Self-Sabotage”1. Sabotage strategies 2. Positive self-talk 3. Love yourself
Sabotage strategiesFive sabotage strategies get on your way:
- Throwing it away – or, in other words, throwing away success that, for some reason, you don’t feel you are worthy of
- Settling for less – stopping yourself from reaching the destination you are headed for. This behavior sometimes camouflages itself as selflessness.
- Resignation – letting negative self-talk talk you out of even getting into the race, or going after what you want. If you don’t try, you can never win.
- The fatal flaw – procrastination, narcissism and perfectionism, addictions or anger problems work against you. Examine your life, and if you find traces of these shortcomings, try to surpass them before they “reward” you with self-sabotaging behavior.
- Denial – you cannot escape from unpleasant matters, no matter how much you avoid talking about them. Putting your problems under the carpet will not make the problems disappear.
Positive self-talkIn response to the self-sabotaging thoughts you encountered in your experience, try to involve yourself into positive self-talk. You can do that by creating various “deserve affirmations”.
Examples include using words such as “I choose”. “I can” etc., and ensuring your statements are positively focused. But, don’t just say it. More important than the words themselves, are how you feel when you say them. You have to feel good and fully believe your affirmations. Only then, change is possible.
Love yourselfThis one sounds simple, doesn’t it? Then why do so many people fail to love themselves in the way they deserve to be loved? Although it may seem like an easy job, forgiving yourself for your mistakes can be the hardest thing in the world.
Remember, nobody is perfect. But the point of life is accepting our flaws and learning to see the beauty in them too.
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“Stop Self-Sabotage” Quotes[bctt tweet="Life is meant to be full and abundant. There’s enough sunlight, air, hope and love for everyone." username="get12min"]
[bctt tweet=“Get clear on the things you want, and it is amazing how quickly they show up.” username=“get12min”]
[bctt tweet=“We don’t allow ourselves to have what we want until we believe – truly believe – that we deserve it.” username=“get12min”]
[bctt tweet=“Your history is written deeply into your psyche.” username=“get12min”]
[bctt tweet=“All of us struggle with some wound that separates us from all that we can be, do or have.” username=“get12min”]